Procrastination

I simply find it impossible to discipline myself to write every day. I take notes in my notebook and don't follow up with stories about the things I am noting. I sit and stare at my computer, bored, and don't come to this page to write. Why can't I develop self-discipline? There are many things I could write about. Thoughts whirl through my head and stay there. I don't write, I think about writing.

A story:
I can imagine the things going through my dad's head.
"They took away my van because they think I can't drive. I really hate that they don't think I can do the things I want to do. They continually interfere in my life. They tell me what to do and are offended when I get mad about it. I am mad. I can still do things. I'm useful. I know a lot of things. They just think I'm a useless old man. I refuse to let them take over my life!

"Those dogs are always barking. One of them bit me when I put my hand over the fence trying to clean the junk off of it. I'll get them though. I've got my sticks and my clubs. I'll just walk along the fence and poke at them when they run up, barking. I had a ladder that I used to get up high enough on the wooden fence to poke over and get those dogs but my neighbor stole it. He was the last one who saw me using it and now it is gone. I know he stole it. He really doesn't like me, but I don't care. I'm going to get those dogs.

"I'm so tired all the time. I shuffle when I walk. I stumble and fall. What is happening? But I won't let this get me down. I've always taken care of myself and I can take care of myself now."

It's sad to live the last part of your life angry. I've seen dad more angry more often in the last six months than in my entire life. It's difficult to understand the reason for his anger. I think it may be because he his losing control of his life and he really resents it. He's always been so self-sufficient and able to care for himself. It must be very frustrating to lose that sense of self-sufficiency.