Joy

"This is the day that the LORD has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Joy is an emotion we don't experience much, and that is a shame. We should be joyful every day because we have been rescued from sin by Jesus' sacrifice.

Joy is:

1. a deep feeling or condition of happiness or contentment (online)
Paul says we are to "Rejoice in the LORD always." Then to emphasize his point he continues with, "I will say it again, rejoice!" Instead of focusing on this command we tend to focus on the negative. It takes an intense exercise of self-discipline to keep ourselves focused on joy. We should be thankful for all of our blessings and yet our thoughts tend to remain on negative things. We see negativity all around us but, as Christians, we are to experience these things in the light of eternity. We have an eternal future filled with joy, the joy of being in the presence of Jesus forever. We are to be a light to the world as an example of Jesus' love. What could be more positive?

Our joy in the face of all obstacles should be an example that causes the world to question us about our hope. Peter tells us to always be "ready to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you..." Joyful living gives us the opportunity to present a witness of the power of God in our lives.

Rejoice!

LORD, help me today to experience Your joy, to focus on Your joy, to wallow in Your joy. You made this day for me. Help me to rejoice and be glad in it.

Caregiving

I wrote quite a lot on the paradox of caregiving in a different venue yesterday. I may post that here once I'm finished.

Caring for one's loved ones is paradoxical. On the one hand we feel blessed that our loved ones (my parents in this case) are still around for us to see and interact with. On the other hand, the role of caregiver takes so much out of us. It's difficult to see on which side the balance lays.

Procrastination

I simply find it impossible to discipline myself to write every day. I take notes in my notebook and don't follow up with stories about the things I am noting. I sit and stare at my computer, bored, and don't come to this page to write. Why can't I develop self-discipline? There are many things I could write about. Thoughts whirl through my head and stay there. I don't write, I think about writing.

A story:
I can imagine the things going through my dad's head.
"They took away my van because they think I can't drive. I really hate that they don't think I can do the things I want to do. They continually interfere in my life. They tell me what to do and are offended when I get mad about it. I am mad. I can still do things. I'm useful. I know a lot of things. They just think I'm a useless old man. I refuse to let them take over my life!

"Those dogs are always barking. One of them bit me when I put my hand over the fence trying to clean the junk off of it. I'll get them though. I've got my sticks and my clubs. I'll just walk along the fence and poke at them when they run up, barking. I had a ladder that I used to get up high enough on the wooden fence to poke over and get those dogs but my neighbor stole it. He was the last one who saw me using it and now it is gone. I know he stole it. He really doesn't like me, but I don't care. I'm going to get those dogs.

"I'm so tired all the time. I shuffle when I walk. I stumble and fall. What is happening? But I won't let this get me down. I've always taken care of myself and I can take care of myself now."

It's sad to live the last part of your life angry. I've seen dad more angry more often in the last six months than in my entire life. It's difficult to understand the reason for his anger. I think it may be because he his losing control of his life and he really resents it. He's always been so self-sufficient and able to care for himself. It must be very frustrating to lose that sense of self-sufficiency.

Blocked

I don't know what to write about today. I'm stuck. I did some more research on dementia over the weekend and found that we can develop something called a "cognitive reserve" that appears to alleviate the symptoms of dementia for a time. Studies show that those who are more active intellectually develop this cognitive reserve. So I need to continue to exercise my brain.

The brain is one of those organs that need continual stimulation. "Use it or lose it" is an appropriate phrase applied to the brain. I have been afraid for a long time that if I don't continue to stimulate my brain I will begin to lose function. I mentioned before that I've begun to forget words and I have this weird switching of "b's" and "p's" when I type. These symptoms concern me. So I need to exercise. How does one exercise one's brain? I think I'll buy the GRE vocabulary cards today and start working with those. I need to read things that challenge me while continuing to read for pleasure. My work is not intellectually stimulating, so I need to do these things on my off time. I need to watch less TV and spend more time exercising my brain. I really need to discipline myself to get these things done.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
Henry David Thoreau

Tuesday's with Morrie

I'm reading Tuesday's again on my Kindle. I didn't know that you could highlight and make notes in books on Kindle until today so I'm highlighting the things I find important (and there are a lot of them) and making notes and bookmarks. I'll have to learn later how to retrieve the bookmarks and notes but for now I'm just feverishly making highlights and notes. This book is so important. There are so many lessons to learn. How do we live? What makes our lives important? Why should we be afraid of death? How do we respond to death? So many questions, and Morrie has so many answers.

Right now, mom and dad are dying. They don't look like they are dying (but really, we are all dying). Mom is sitting at the breakfast table, steadily talking to no one. Dad is sleeping in his chair. We became worried about dad's increasing anxious behavior and the hospice nurse had the doctor prescribe Seroquel to calm him down. He had his first dose today and it has just knocked him out. I'm hoping that he will become more accustomed to it and will eventually be able to take it and still function, albeit with less bizarre behavior.

I watched a slide presentation on the internet today about the effects of Alzheimer's on the brain. I had no idea how devastating this disease was to the health of the brain. The Alzheimer's patient's brain literally shrivels up over time. This is caused by the death of the nerve cells in the brain; those nerve cells that transmit information to the body. It's really scary.

Ran out of time

I will not be able to post here today because I ran out of time. I should be able to post a long message tomorrow.

Dementia

I'm still doing research on dementia causes and prevention. One website says there is no way to prevent dementia but there are ways to delay its onset and to alleviate its effects. Aging seems to be the primary factor in the onset of dementia. We can't prevent our growing older. As we age, our brains seem to lose the ability to process information with the same facility that we have when we are younger. Mental and physical exercise seem to delay the effects of dementia. One study finds a correlation between low education level and an increased risk for dementia. This would seem to correspond to the assertion that mental exercise delays the onset and alleviates the symptoms of dementia.

My personal experience with my parents is revealing. Mom's onset was sudden and severe. She became paranoid and began to have hallucinations. We had her examined by a neurologist who said that she had had a series of TIA's which caused the symptoms she was experiencing. Her disease progressed rapidly until she was unable to connect meaningfully with the world. She talks to people who are not here and most of her conversations are unintelligible. After her surgery for colon cancer we placed her in hospice care at home. Because of the Medicare restrictions for hospice patients we were unable to continue to obtain any medication that directly treated her dementia and her symptoms increased. She requires around the clock care and cannot perform any necessary daily routines for herself. She cannot feed herself, she is incontinent of urine and must be placed on a potty chair daily to evacuate her bowels. As Morrie says in Tuesdays..., she has reached the point where someone has to wipe her a..

dementia

I'm looking for statistics to show the relationship between dementia and occupation but these statistics are hard to find. Alz.org reports on a study that claims the risk factors for contracting Alzheimers are education, income, and race. People with lower education and lower income are more likely to contract Alzheimers. Hispanics and African-Americans are more likely to contract Alzheimers. I need to do more research on preventive measures. I'll see if there is more information on Alz.org.

I believe (and this is just speculation on my part) that those who exercise their mind are less likely to have dementia. I've noticed that professors (unless they contract some disease like pancreatic cancer) tend to live fairly long and productive lives. This also deserves more research.

Listening

Do you find your mind wandering when you're having a conversation with someone? I don't really pay complete attention to others when we're talking. I'm thinking about how I'll respond, or some problem I'm having, or a TV show I recently saw. Morrie (Tuesdays with Morrie) says that the problem with most relationships is that people don't listen to each other. We need to give the other our complete attention. People notice that we're really not paying attention. This happens a lot in marriages, but we mostly aren't paying attention when people talk to us. This causes the other to feel unimportant. I'm going to make it my business to pay attention in the future. I've been trying this lately and it's really hard. My mind seems to race all the time and I find it really difficult to give someone my full attention.

Morrie also says that we shouldn't be afraid to express our emotions. He says we should embrace them (both negative and positive). If we embrace the negative emotion we begin to recognize it as a negative emotion. Then we can deal with it and be done with it. If we avoid the negative emotion it never becomes resolved. We're stuck (Morrie was a smart guy). If we don't deal with negative emotions like fear and anger and anxiety we continue to be stuck in these emotions.

So my tasks for this week are to listen and to embrace my emotions. Sounds like I've got a busy week ahead.

Embracing our emotions

I'm reading Tuesdays with Morrie. It's a really inspiring book but it doesn't really help me understand what's going on with dad. Morrie is dying from ALS and has full access to his mental capacities. This disease results in the loss of control of the muscles, starting from the legs and moving up. Dad suffers from dementia. He still has adequate control of his bodily functions but dementia steals the mind. He started by being more forgetful and the disease is progressing. He has some erratic behaviors (tormenting the neighbors' dogs). But he's still proud.

I think I got my inferiority complex from dad. He was a younger member of a very large family and he really never got the support he needed. He has always overcompensated for a perceived sense that he was inferior to others. He worked really hard to succeed and he was successful. He didn't finish school yet he successfully operated different businesses for most of his life. He would probably still be working if he weren't afflicted with dementia. He wants, needs, to work - to accomplish things, yet his disease limits his ability to perform. He tries to push forward as he always has but he just doesn't have the tools he needs to get where he wants to go and this increases his feeling of inferiority. We have some ideas for projects he can work on and I hope we can put some of these into place soon.